I recently quit my primary job. (For the record, I wouldn’t recommend doing that before you have another job. I wouldn’t have recommended it before I did it and certainly wouldn’t now. But, when you’re angry and frustrated all the time and don’t even feel like yourself anymore, something has to give.) For about the first two weeks, I did really well. Other than trying to process the wave of emotions that comes with losing something you once genuinely loved and frankly being pretty hurt about it, I was excited to not be working three jobs and putting in an insane number of hours. I felt like I could breathe again. I was eager to get to focus more on writing Sunday School literature. (I’m so much closer on children’s literature and crazy excited about it.) I was telling myself I was not the fresh-out-of-college 21-year-old kid I had been the last time I was looking for a job and that it would not be the nightmare it was then. And, for me at least, that’s doing really well.
But, two weeks turned into a month and then a month and a couple of weeks, and I soon realized I wasn’t doing quite so well anymore. I applied for a few jobs without hearing anything, went to a couple of interviews that didn’t result in a job, didn’t apply for a couple of jobs I thought I could really enjoy because they would require working on Sundays, etc., etc. Now, I’ve decided while I may not be that 21-year-old kid anymore, job hunting and interviews are still a nightmare.
So, lately, I’ve been trying to channel all my stubbornness into not letting myself get depressed, having faith that there’s going to be a job I can enjoy (and hopefully soon), and continuing to enjoy writing and working at the store, two of my favorite things, in the meantime. So, that’s kind of where my head’s been of late.
Last week, I was proofing and putting finishing touches on the lessons I wrote from John for the upcoming quarter so I could start printing this week. When I came to the lesson I wrote about the raising of Lazarus, I couldn’t help thinking that I’m pretty sure I write more for me than for anyone else. I started to share then but decided that would require being more open and honest than I cared to be. Then, this week, my brother used the story of Lazarus Wednesday night at church, and then it came up in conversation at the store again today, so I can’t seem to get away from it.
I’m sure you know the story. Mary and Martha are both so sure Jesus is late, so sure that nothing can be done at this point. I mean, their brother’s dead–four-days dead in fact. But, Jesus’ actions are completely intentional. He purposefully stays two days more where He is when He receives word Lazarus is sick. He knows before He goes that Lazarus is dead and tells His disciples as much. Yet, He still goes because God’s plan was never for Jesus to heal Lazarus. He had something much better in mind. His plan was for Jesus to raise Lazarus from the dead, displaying His resurrection power.
Waiting on God’s timing is often just plain hard. Mary and Martha are completely devastated by the time Jesus arrives. However, that changes very quickly when they realize firsthand that God’s timing is perfect. In life, there will be times when we are sick and tired of waiting, whether that’s waiting on a job, or waiting for answers, or closure, or any number of things. There will be times when it seems like surely God must be running behind. But, He never is. And when the timing is right, we will know that firsthand, and the wait will have been more than worth it.