Just Your Typical Church

This blog post is going to be a little odd, but then, I’m a little odd most of the time, so you’ll just have to excuse it.  It’s not really a blog post at all; it’s a monologue, but one too close to my heart to sit in a notebook or on a flash drive until someday when I might have a use for it.  So, bear with me, and use your imagination for a few minutes.

Rows of chairs or pews set up on stage to create a church setting.

Jamie:   (Sitting in the last pew) Hi, I’m Jamie, and this (motioning with arms to the pews around her), this is your typical church, if a little on the small side.

Let’s start here, at the back.  This pew’s reserved for the people who come in at the last possible minute and leave immediately after the last amen. That’s all they need.  Anymore and they might not be able to ignore the conviction.

(Moving on) This pew, well, it’s empty.  It wasn’t always that way though.  The family who used to sit here got upset with the pastor, so they left (speaking ironically) because the Christian response to disagreements is to sull up and cut people out of your life without a word.  Never mind all the Bible has to say about reconciliation and forgiveness.  That surely doesn’t apply here.

(Stepping forward) Empty pew number two.  The people who used to sit here are related to the people who used to sit there.  So, never mind his faithful service to the church as pastor often going above and beyond, (motioning to the other pew) their story must be the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

But, moving on.  This is the deacon’s seat, which is appropriately somewhere in the middle, just like he is every time there’s a squabble big or small.

Over here, we have the grannies of the church.  Dear, sweet, old ladies, who are most likely the wisest, most experienced people in the building, but we shelter them from all the arguments and issues.  It might be too much for them.

This is Mrs. Kathy’s seat.  She’s here every service, very spiritual and loving.  Well, that is until someone visits the church needing money, food, or gas in their car.  Then comes the rant.  They got themselves into that situation; they should get themselves out.  It’s their own fault.  They’re just going to take that money and buy beer and cigarettes, so we should just send them on their merry, hungry, penniless, homeless way.  And there’s no use praying for them because they’ll never change.  It’s not possible.  Now doesn’t that sound like the Gospel to you?

Here sits Mr. and Mrs. Jones and their three adorable, if occasionally a little on the noisy side, kids.  They’re the young couple of the church.  Translation:  they do everything.  Never mind they’re tired and need a break.  If they don’t do it, it doesn’t get done.

And, here’s the preacher’s seat.  Don’t you want his job?

There you have it—your typical, not so biblical, not so effective church.  And, we wonder what’s wrong with the world.  Well, the answer is here.  The answer is us.